The Starting Line
Community Building Series Part III
Improving a neighborhood can feel like trying to resurrect the Titanic, but in reality it’s more like flipping a burger with a family next door. When our prime focus is only on the problems in a community, it can start to feel discouraging and we give up, thinking “I don’t have the time or energy,” or “I can’t do this by myself”, or “I don’t even know where to begin.” I’d like to suggest though that the beginning point for strengthening a neighborhood is really about small every day choices rather than planning big events or programs.
Strengthening a community simply recognizes that relationships rather than high fences are what is most important. The truth is you do not need ample time, money, grey hair, or incredible leadership skills to make a difference in your tract. You only need to be attentive to your surroundings and intentional in some very practical ways. This is about a mindset, a lifestyle, a paradigm to live from.
Connecting with neighbors can be something very natural and it happens over time. It is not something that you have to plan for per se or worry about adding to your busy schedule. Below are some practical tips to connect (or re-connect) with neighbors:
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Sit out in your front yard or on your porch
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Wave to passersby and say “hello” to people
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Introduce yourself to new residents
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Find a resident to exercise with
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Volunteer to collect mail while your neighbor is gone
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Borrow a tool or ask for advice
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Keep your yard well kept
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Invite a few neighbors to holiday parties or have someone over for dinner
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BBQ in your front yard with one other household
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Say sorry when you need to
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Do an Easter egg hunt for your street
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Take regular walks (with your dogs and kids too because they are conversation magnets)
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Exchange phone numbers with your neighbors in case of an emergency
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Talk to another resident about your desire to see neighbors connect
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Consider parking in your driveway so that you are visible outside more often
Most of life in a neighborhood consists of non-glamorous regular moments, but these instances present opportunity for connection and are the building blocks for the future. Mother Teresa once said, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” Now go and do small things.
What tips do you have to connect with neighbors?
Part IV: Re-Believing in Community Participation
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Posted by Ryan Lundquist
on Aug 25 2008. Filed under Viewpoints.
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This is a great reminder that you don’t have to stage the Beijing Olympics to build a neighborhood.
These days we seem to believe that everything — civic and neighborhood events, and even church — must be driven by events and programs that are elaborately planned and marketed.
There’s the obvious downside of the cost and time to produce those events, but there’s a more subtle problem with this approach: it tends to produce event-driven “consumer” relationships rather than community. People “consume” the event, evaluate whether the cost (of time and/or money) was worth the benefit, then retreat to their fenced yards until the next event.
Fortunately, as Ryan points out, building community is much easier than staging events!
Well Ryan, I’d say you hit the nail on the head again. A lot of time we like to step up for the big glorious things, but it’s the little things in life that really do make a different and create trust and community. I’ve found that finding a solid church family also goes a long way in the right direction.
s
Rob-
Extremely well said. I couldn’t agree more. I think the contrast between “consumer” and “community” is well stated and insightful. If we take an event-driven approach in our efforts in community building or other areas as you mentioned above, then our results may be very superficial. Real life is more about relationships and enduring the daily grind together rather than having spectactular and polished moments all of the time. I would say that we ought to be driven by core values, a sense of civic pride, and a commitment to being people-centered.
This all reminds me of having friends over for dinner. Instead of having everything spic and span and so nice that it can hardly be reproduced, it is often more meaningful to invite people into real life. It’s okay if the house is a bit dirty. So there may be some clutter, toys from the kids, and evidence that the house is actually lived in and enjoyed. Okay, I know I am getting off topic, but there is a correlation here in that when people come into my home they are not consumers, but participants in community life. So they get to share in the responsibility of dishing out food, enjoying it, re-filling their glasses, maybe bringing something to contribute to the meal, and sometimes setting the table or taking dirty dishes to the sink. It’s just better to do things as a team and do life together!!!
Isn’t it funny (or sad) that we have to be taught how to be “neighbors” ? When my family and I moved onto Swansea Way some 16 years ago Erika came over and brought us a phone list and said if we need anything these are the numbers to call. She and her husband Jerry have proven time after time to be the best of neighbors and friends. It only takes a minute of your time to befriend someone new. And it is so worth the effort. Neighbors can be there for you before family can even know you have a need. All of our family members are at least a days drive away, but if a need arises all I have to do is holler and I know Jerry or George or Fred or Tommy will come to my rescue! And while our daughter was little I knew we had at least a dozen pairs of eyes watching out for her in addition to ours. She had so many extra Grandmas, Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles…it was great. And still today, now that she is a young adult, they are still looking out for her and celebrate life with her.
So, I too encourage you all to reach out and be a neighbor/ friend. It’s ok, don’t be shy, they probably won’t bite!!
Years ago, being a neighbor came naturally………did we just get too busy and caught up in our own lives? I’m glad to have the reminders of just how easy it is to be a neighbor and to build community. Here’s to all of the non-glamorous moments of connection!!! I can’t really think of a time that I’ve regretted putting myself out there.
I love the practical starting points for building community. Thanks for putting such tangible advice out there, Ry!
i think those are great ideas! the walks are so true, especially with our logan and zeke. they are conversation magnets for sure. they make it easier to converse with our neighbors for sure. thanks for the other tips! something to think about. one tip i have is baking cookies. i am baking cookies for bryan this weekend and i was going to give a few to the next door neighbors since we should not be eating that many cookies!
Lisa- That is a fantastic and very practical idea. It takes such little work on your end too since you are already baking cookies. I wish we were neighbors.
And Donna – the picture you paint of what neighbors can be is what it is all about. I hope that many others will look out for my kids and have an impact on their lives too.
I don’t have anything new to add, but I totally agree with everything that was said! This was a great piece.