Momma, what happened to the neighborhood?
Community Building Series Part I
One of the constant themes that Home Depot commercials hit on is the idea of building the ultimate backyard. Have you seen these ones? A family turns their typical rear plot of land into a haven full of Trex decking, bright flowers and fresh sod, with a gleaming stainless steel grill to bring it all together. The concept is to create a space to relax—a refuge from the rest of the world and a post-5pm retreat after a tiring day.
I’ll admit that these ads strike me in two ways. One, I want that backyard. But Two, on a deeper level I wonder if there is something here for us to consider. Has our culture become used to a world where we spend the bulk of our time confined to our parcel lines while having little meaningful interaction with our neighbors?
There used to be a day and time in our culture where kids played outside more often, where families knew and relied upon households next door, and where it was a norm to feel a sense of connectedness amongst neighbors. In thinking back to when you were a kid, did life in your neighborhood seem a bit more interactive and relational than your experience today? Did people trust each other more readily? Did passersby wave? Did you play outside without worrying about Megan’s Law registrants? Were your parents able to let you roam around a little more?
Let’s face it, after the commute home from work it’s easy to find ourselves so tired and busy that the concept of getting to know our neighbors seems unrealistic, impractical or even inconvenient. So we get home from work, shut the garage door quickly in order to avoid others, stay behind our fences, and then turn on one of our screens in order to zone out. Sure, privacy is essential to a healthy lifestyle, but if life’s standard posture is to have very limited interaction with neighbors, then our communities will suffer.
What happened to our neighborhoods?
Part II: Finding Treasure in the Front Yard (coming next week)
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Posted by Ryan Lundquist
on Aug 12 2008. Filed under Viewpoints.
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We have been fortunate enough to live across the street from a park. It has been a great place to hang out and meet other parents in a non threatening environment. We have made some really great friends and have found a sense of connection with many of our neighbors. The thing that is profound about meeting people at the park is that we get to see each other on a regular basis and get to know each other in a slow fashion – building trust. Its not like you can just put on a big smile, go knock on your neighbors door and say, “want to be my friend?” They’ll think your crazy! It takes time. So for others who don’t live across the street from a park – maybe there is another way to meet your neighbors in a non-thretening way. We have also met many of our other neighbors who don’t hang out at the park. Here are some suggestions to open up relationships with your neighbors that have worked for us: on trash day bring in your neighbors trash cans before they get home from work, bring them some baked goods, mow their lawn when you mow yours (it only takes a few extra minutes), when their kids leave toys like bicycles on the sidewalk or lawn – take them up to their front porch so they don’t get stolen or damaged. It really just takes a willingness to engage and patients for things to develop. Sometimes people seem really put off when you do them a favor. I had a new neighbor years ago that I had not yet met who was attempting to unload a very heavy item out of his truck. So I seized the opportunity to run over and offer my help. He awkwardly declined. I could allowed myself to be angry but instead I just blew it off and remained patient for walls to break down. We are now the best of friends.